love & hate

Going back a few years now I wrote a lot of lists, the to-do type, I still write these types a lists, the best way for me to recall something is if I write it down, burn the fucking words into my brain, so I found a couple a old lists…

All the things I love.

All the things I despise.

I’m gonna cross of the fuckers that are no longer applicable and amend with the newer requirements in the life of Lauren.

all the things i love…

* little kitten kasha (my pussy), although she is now know as slut puss, due to her neibourly frolicks with the tomcat next door

she is now older and fatter.

* my lovely new couches (donated by cil & doug), now i can fall asleep infront of the tv and when i wake up my back doesn’t hurt, oh and there a lovely sexy dark blue colour with match my new curtains.

The couches are still alive, all be it covered in cat hair and terribly uncomfortable after long periods of lounging around.

* my little miny buzzy, hours of pleasure at very little cost.

She died, then bigger buzzy died, I now have ultra 7, she ROCKS my world.

* my astro boy wallet, technically it serves no good purpose what so ever, but it’s cute.

Gone to wallet gods, replaced with sexy olive green fashion.

* uran, uran, guardian of my keys.

She ran away, never to return

* home made lasagne.

I may have to make some tonight, still the total fav.

* purple, deep red and black.

replace purple with green, it must be love.

* my paraplegic axolohtle, gonzales, otherwise known as mr kisses, he’s walking again, eating again, although it has been some time since i’ve seen him take a shit. (is this possible?)

He now happily poops all over his tank whenever the fancy takes him, I’ve seen it.

* cooking thai green curry, with spinach roti and jasmine rice, extra chilli, yum.

It’s been a while, but hell yeah.

* good anime porn.

Always, recommendations please?

* fullfilling masturbation sessions.

Going strong in the self stimulations.

* making stuff & being creative.

yup, & yup.

* singing & dancing wildly around my bedroom with no clothes on.

still happens, although i’ve moved from bedroom to the entirety of the house.

* running around the house naked when no one else is home. (one day i will be caught)

Well as I now live by myself, there are no other people home, although getting caught, yeah it happens…see previous post, a few back…BUSTED!

* playing dress ups, clothes and make up and taking photos of myself.

uh huh…

* horror movies, i like to be scared.

yes, yes & yes.

* the rocky horror picture show.

did you know that I now own the soundtrack … ON VINYL, courtesy of catticut aka.givemethegun…she rocks!

* soft spot for barbara streisand (blame my parents) also the doobie brothers and creedance clearwater revival. (i am not ashamed)

should i hang my head in shame? NO FUCKING WAY!

* big benders of weekends, i am a hopeless addict, once i get started.

I’d like to say I’ve totally grown out of this, but I haven’t, the shift towards more alcohol, less “other substance” has happened though, you can still call me trashbag, or crackwhore, if you like.

* strawberry daiquaries, B-52 shots and red wine and ciggies (styv’s of course, filter)

replace daiquarie with mojito.

* smoking pot alone in my room late at night and listening to the walls.

yeah, but it usually involves deadwood, black books or reading.

* photos of myself (call me a narcisist)

LOVE THYSELF.

* romantic fairy princess stories (although i’d never openly admit that.

I gave up. Give me a mna, any man, so long as they’re honest.

* blood and gore, an obsession with death and decay, isn’t it fascinatingly beautiful?.

blood, blood, blood blood…

* beautiful jazz divas, i’d always dreamt i’d be one.

nina still rocking me like she always has.

* theatre make-up, my one and only want as a career choice, this began when i was 11yrs old, my make up collection has been expanding since then. (thanks uncle allen)

you should see my expanded make-up collection.

* kissing girls, i really do enjoy this quite a bit, havn’t done it in a long time.

it’s been a while, but fuck yeah, atleast they know how to do it right.

* completely monogomous relationships.

if I were in one, then yeah.

* respect & well meaning intentions.

only and always.

* creativity.

* strength & unconditional support.

* determination and will power.

* floating in empty pools, the distorted way sound travels underwater.

I really need a pool.

* coffee, latte no sugar, or short black with 1 1/2 sugars. There is no other way. Tea must be black with 3 sugars… only reserved for rare occassions, when real coffee isn’t available, (i do not and wilol not drink instant coffee)!

I’m less sweet in my old age.

* cleaning up my house, when the inspiration is suddenly bestowed upon me?

it happens.

* listening to commercial radio in the privacy of my own vehicle, when no-one else can hear me… it’s a pet love that creeps in every once and a while…

on rare occasion, if I forgot my music.

* picking my nose and wiping it on something, car seat, carpet etc… only when it’s snotty though, usually after a big weekend.

we all have done it or do it still, don’t deny just go with it.

* hugs from dad, although they are a rarity, i can only ever remember a couple in the whole of my lifetime.

they happen a little more often these days.

* vintage erotica.

* costumes.

all the things i despise…are basically still the same.

* being told what to do.

* lying.

* bullshit sucking up and fakeness.

* ill meaning intentions.

* britney spears.

* having no sex and no emotional attachment.

* feeling lonely.

* gumtree paintings.

* the feelings of despair that arise all to often.

* hurting myself.

* relationship break ups.

* people who offer assistance but don’t really help.

* work (sometimes)

* weakness

* laziness.

* feeling alone.

* the colour orange, why i do not know.

* feeling like i don’t make any sense.

* jim carrey, the man repulses me, except for his part in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, i acctually forgot it was him.

* being too damn skinny, when can i or will i put some weight on, being referrred to as anorexic is killing me.

* feeling rejected by my dad, i wish he could hug me.

* feeling like i’m going to lose my family all the time, the fret, the day dreams of losing them, the fear.

* fear

* my pathetic teen angst shit, it doesn’t seemto go away.

* the way my dad talks to my mum

* feeling powerless to fix the problems when they arise

* feeling like i need to scream but not being able to make a sound

* feeling like i want to hit but holding back

* feeling like i’m walking dead

* rejection

Is a part of life, you can’t be liked by everyone.

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